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By Renee Trudeau<\/p>\n
One Sunday morning I was lying in bed reading from author Anne Lamott\u2019s beautiful little book Small Victories: Spotting Improbable Moments of Grace. In one of her stories about parenting, she shares, with a little self-deprecation and a lot of tenderness, how she doesn\u2019t bake for PTA fundraisers, is often disorganized and sometimes forgets to follow through on updates from her son\u2019s school. Her ability to accept who she is, is both endearing and freeing.<\/p>\n
Her story got me thinking how so many people I meet have a misguided sense about the concept of self-care. I often hear endless \u201cshoulds,\u201d and many people confess they feel like failures when it comes to self-care.<\/p>\n
As a life balance author and self-care evangelist, I have researched, taught and written books about the art and science of self-renewal for more than 20 years. I can wholeheartedly share that self-care\u2014a practice that has changed my life more than any other\u2014is not about:
\n\u2022 fixing yourself or turning into a \u201cmakeover version\u201d of you
\n\u2022 trying to become someone who \u201chas it all together\u201d or who\u2019s always wise and calm
\n\u2022 striving for perfection or doing what our loved ones or the media say we should do to be our best selves (e.g., go gluten-free or do more yoga)
\n\u2022 spending a lot of money on services or products that are supposed to make us more fit, beautiful, smart, etc.
\n\u2022 striving to become more worthy through accomplishing more or adhering to society\u2019s list of \u201cshoulds\u201d around parenting, relationships or (fill in the blank)<\/p>\n
Self-care isn\u2019t a goal you strive for and it\u2019s not about becoming you version 2.0. It\u2019s about meeting yourself where you are with a soft and open heart. It\u2019s believing my ordinary self is enough. It\u2019s feeling safe enough to show up in the world 100-percent you, and inherently giving others permission to do the same.<\/p>\n
Self-care is about attuning and responding to your needs and desires moment to moment. It\u2019s about being compassionate with yourself when you bump up against your faults and treating yourself with the same love and tenderness you would extend to a four-year-old who\u2019s had a really hard day. It\u2019s not about checking an activity off a list, cracking the whip or finally getting in shape. The true art of self-renewal is about cultivating a kinder, gentler relationship with yourself and asking for and receiving the nurturing and nourishment you truly need\u2014whether that\u2019s a hug or long nap. Self-care is knowing that you have your back and that no matter what you say or do\u2014you will not abandon yourself.<\/p>\n
This week, notice how you treat and talk to yourself. How would you describe the relationship? Do you sound like a drill sergeant, a loving grandparent or a wise mentor? Share your observations with someone you trust. Self-care isn\u2019t about adding something to your to-do list; it\u2019s about embracing a new way of being.<\/p>\n